Abuse is not always physical wounds and scars, abuse can be emotional as well and to a certain degree it can look like gestures of love. The most important thing is to understand that just because it looks like love doesn’t mean it is love. Sadly, many confuse the signs of emotional or mental abuse as the love they desire the sad realization is it’s anything but that. Sometimes your partner can come across as they are just doing things to protect you or because they love you, but beneath all that charm and caring front you are basically nothing but a toy that they can control. Which is why it is important to notice the signs of unconditional love verses emotional abuse.

Here are 5 signs of emotional abuse that appear as love:

1. They want to know every little detail about you

Naturally when a person loves you they will want to get to know you better, and there’s nothing wrong with that however, an abuser would want to know everything about you so that it can be used against you in future arguments or quarrels.
Abusers love it when you open up and share everything about yourself, your darkest secrets, pain, fears including your past. You could easily find yourself sharing everything about yourself because they make you feel wanted, loved, heard, safe and this way you slowly start trusting them.
This is what they wait for from the beginning for that blind trust. They pay attention so well that all the fire power lies with them and can be used when the times comes.
This is why it is so important that you take your time in learning and trusting any person you dealing with. It is for you to establish whether or not they should know everything about you or not.
2. They call and text you all the time

Some people won’t text back nor answer their phones when you call, and the most they do when being confronted is shrug their shoulders and say they always busy. Then you get the ones that call and text you back as soon as they have a moment. It makes you feel loved and cared for knowing that you get speedy responses, calls every hour, good morning and good night text, no matter how busy they might be. It might sound ideal, but it can become suffocating and creepy. One of the major signs of abuse is someone that constantly texts and calls and wants to know what you doing, where you are and with who. This is their way of keeping tabs on you when they are not in your presence and it shows traits of possessiveness and jealousy. Not all possessiveness is healthy; a little possessiveness is okay, but too much of anything is never a good thing.

3. The apologies never stop

Every time there’s a confrontation about their abuser ways or there cunning tactics, they instantly ask for your forgiveness and tone down their ways. This is just temporary, their apology is just a temporary solution and the moment you start letting your guard down they back to doing the same things again. They know how to pacify you, say things you want to hear, declare how much they love you, how their lives have changed since you are part of it, how their life would be empty without you and the list goes on. This is all part of their award winning act of portraying their “love” for you. Be careful, this roller coaster goes on all the time with the same mistakes and say excuses and same apologies.

4. The claim no one else will love you the way they do

That is a very good thing. This is the most dead giveaway you can have hit you as a sign of emotional abuse. Those words are not meant in a romantic or loving way but more in a toxic way. Emotional abusers use this trump card to make their partners feel unlovable, unworthy of genuine love and plain down fear to look for what they actually deserve. Statements such as “no one will do what I do”, or “no one will love you the way I do” is a big part in manipulating their partners into believing that they will never find someone better and that you don’t deserve anyone better. When they leave you, with a destroyed self esteem and self worth they know that they have won their game.

5. They want to know what you doing all the time

When your partner want to know what you doing at all times, especially when they not with you, this should not be taken lightly. Accountability for your every move is far from a healthy situation. Looking out for your safety and caring about you are their go to words to make you feel obligated to indulge in such toxic behaviour. The trick they use is to sound as sincere and convincing as possible, keeping watch on you, every minute of everyday like a spy is not a healthy relationship.

6. They move very fast and fall in love even faster

When someone moves very fast in a short space of time, hint this is a red flag. True love does not happen overnight let alone that easily. True love takes a lot of time and patience to develop and blossom. As surprising as it may sound, stay clear of anyone that shows a drastic romantic intensity towards you or one that seems to have fallen head over heels for you after a few days. In the case of spending a lot of time with them and it feels as if you have known them your whole life… please! RUN! Abusive relationships have a fast and intense start and without noticing it you already in a relationship with a person who’s sole purpose is to hurt and control you. Taking a step back has never hurt anyone, slowing things down will allow you to learn to love the person, will help you grow together rather than feed off one. If slowing things down seems to make them angry or irritated, don’t feel obligated to doing anything you not comfortable in doing, which could be another sign that this person is not for you.

7. Expecting you do to as they do

Yes, it’s all cute and romantic to do things together, but there’s a limit. Being over bearing and demanding that the two of you spend time together all the time is outrageous and can eventually affect your mental health. Please don’t tolerate it. In the beginning of a relationship it is natural to want to spend time with each other, go on dates, call and text all the time and make plans to meet every day, that’s normal. But when you have to deal with demands and orders of spending time with them all day every day, bad temper when you refuse or if you unable to, don’t miss that sign. Personal space and boundaries are the few needs that need to be respected in any relationship. If you don’t get that maybe it’s time you sit and rethink your whole relationship with this person. If you don’t put a stop to it when you see the warning signs you might not only end up in an emotionally abusive relationship but in a physically violent one as well.

If you see any of these signs, in the person you are dating, please understand that that is not what love is, it is emotional abuse. You deserve so much more than that. Your deserve to be with someone that respects you, knows your worth, someone that would never belittle you not even as a joke, someone that would not control you and that understands that you are an individual person all on your own.

Know your worth! Love you enough to say…

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